we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
