idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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