So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
