wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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