My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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