I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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