matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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