I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
