Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize