I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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