i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
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You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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