During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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