Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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