Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
