how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
