So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
