hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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