I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
