flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
