You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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