She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
