dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
