You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
