she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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