dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
