I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
