Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
