My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
