I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
