I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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