I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
God I need to hump something, right now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
