home. puking in laundry basket.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i will never coherently bang her
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever