I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
