I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
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Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
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It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.