Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says I win the strip club
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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