fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm really busy with my period
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