Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
