oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
