dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
