And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
