Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
