Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
