i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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