i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
