I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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