The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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