Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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