i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
