My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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