I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
