Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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