one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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