I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
