Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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