I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
