He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
