there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
can u get pink eye on your cock?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
