all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
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it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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