I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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