trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
