hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
