walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
