What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
