did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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