You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you guys were way drunker than both of me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
