i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
