Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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