Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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