Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize