I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So much rum. So many feels.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
