it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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