He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
