right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pants are for mortals
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize