This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
