suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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